Monday, July 13, 2009

Ryan's Rants

(Don't forget Andy Rooney's voice)

Did you ever notice that Colorado has a Professional Baseball team? I have a question for Colorado. Why would you name your Professional Baseball team The Colorado Rockies?
Why would you name it after something so sinister, so evil? This decision blows my mind. Don't you know that the Rockies are nothing but giant hills that cause a humble bicyclist like myself nothing but pain and frustration? 
If you wanted to name your team after something evil I have come up with a list of names that are not quite as evil as the Rockies. Take your pick.

Colorado Mosquito Bites

Colorado Metal Splinters

Colorado Perverts

Colorado Spanish Inquisitions

Colorado Kameir Rouge

Colorado Junkies

Colorado $5 beers

Colorado Notre Dame Lovers (on second thought this is more evil than the Rockies)

My main point is that the Rockies are evil. Its true that they are beautiful, but these are the times of change. Lets cut a nice path through them that is perfectly level. Who's with me. I know I'm alone in this. Maybe I'm biased. Maybe this has nothing to do with the Rockies and more to do with the fact that the Colorado Rockies are based in Denver. And Denver is the city that has the Denver Broncos. And the Denver Broncos are the team that John Elway played for. That is enough reason to question anything that comes out of Colorado.
In summary... Rockies bad, Broncos bad, John Elway Bad. For shame Colorado. For shame.

Go Pirates!


  1. Heya ~ I couldn't agree with ya more about them Rockies! Why can't they just blow them up? They're stupid. Hell, yeah, they ought to at least make a smooth, flat road ~ but also put them flat-screen tv's along the way so ya don't miss them favorite sports and those important talk shows like Jerry Springer... You two must be wallowing in heart goes out to the both of ya...

  2. I will never look at a picture of the Rockies the same after reading ths blog!! I especially like the suggestions you have for their baseball team: Gooo Colorado Misquito Bites!!! :-) (Kamier Rouge would piss too many people off!!) On another note: I had a dream about you last night had moss growing on the seat of your pants...I hope this was just a dream :-) I love love love you two and can't wait to hear more rants!!