Monday, August 31, 2009

Ryan's Rants

Have you ever heard the expression "something is bugging me." Believe it or not this does not have its roots in the CIA or KGB installing a wire tap in your phone. It comes from the nature of insects, also called bugs.
Bugs come in all shapes and sizes. Mostly gross shape and small in size. Don't let their diminutive frame fool you, they can cause you more grief than the largest of mammals. After living out of doors for 3 months now I feel I have a greater understanding of all creatures great and small, at least the ones I see, feel and hear. This knowledge is not scientific in any way, just anecdotal and probably wrong.
We will begin our look at bugs with one of the smallest, and most wicked. The mosquito. Why does this creature exist? Of all the bugs, this in the only one I take pleasure in murdering. They attack in packs and are fearless. Nothing keeps them away. DEET helps a little but you cant spray DEET in your eyes, ears or mouth. Mosquitoes know this week spot and take full advantage.  They have obviously read the tactics of the Kamikaze and they throw themselves full force into the fight for the honor of some Divine Emperor Mosquito. At least they don't have Malaria.
The spider is a creepy fellow. They love to hide in your bags and clothes then jump out and give you a fright. Allegra keeps me from crushing them on sight, but when I feel 8 tiny hairy legs crawling on my skin, my instinct is to deal the bloke a fatal blow. Then you have spider guts all over. Most of the spiders we see are small or daddy long legs. I can deal with these guys. The big ones are the ones I don't like and have been tempted to put a couple rounds of .45 into. Again Allegra frowns on this. So they live and I have to live with one eye on them at all times. Its a weird relationship, kinda like Egypt and Israel.
Bees are great. Love the honey and the whole pollinating our food stuff. One request. When I'm biking, please don't fly in my face full speed. This happens all the time, and it hurts.
Ticks are always a concern but we haven't seen any... yet.
Potato bugs are pretty annoying. They love to crawl into your tent and sleep next to you. I'm not sure what kind of signals I'm giving off but this offer isn't one of them.
Dragonflies are pretty cool. They have the best looking wings out there. When they fly past you know it was a dragonfly by the deep bass sound their wings make. You also know what they are because the fly right into your ear and crash, then hang on your shoulder. 
And I have saved the best for last. The firefly. What a great idea that is. A bug that has a glowing ass. I wish we had them in Portland. I could watch them all night. I have no idea what its good for, but its good. 
What have we learned in our look at bugs? I think the most obvious thing is that their jerks. And the ones that arn't jerks are stupid. They kind of remind me of the Denver Nuggets, without all the tattoos. I mean have you seen this Birdman guy? I rest my case.

Go Blazers!


  1. Ah I feel like this list will continue once yall have gone far enough east to meet the sweet cockaroch. Oh or even better the cicada

  2. Well I guess it's about time I said how envious
    I am of your big bad cross country bike adventure. This looks like sooo much fun!. I miss you both even though we talk about once a week. Watch out for chiggers when you head down south. Daddy "E"

  3. Hey you two, this isn't Anker, it's Dad. We're at Orenko Station. It was wounderful talking with you yesterday. Grandma showed me how to post messages, later I see if we can do it from home (this can be hard for hunter gatharers). Anyway we're getting ready for strogonoff. Are you still in the windy city? It was pretty cool when we were there, hope you see alot. Is riding with out trailers kina like flying?